It will come
I’ve been waiting for so long to find my purpose in this life. The reason for all of my pain, suffering and struggles. I was made for a reason. We all were made. I always had ideas but never knew how to go about it correctly. Every attempt I made was shut down fast. Pushed out to the point that I became agoraphobic. Still, I try. Still, I rise. No one can stop me from trying. I will find a way to fight for what I believe in and I will make an impact.
Why, when there are so many animals suffering, are people STILL breeding for profit? I understand for genetics (health reasons) but just because an animal is popular or super cute? Come on people! Do you just not care that there are so many animals roaming our streets, scared, hungry and alone as well as abused and mistreated. Did I mentions so many sweet kittens and pups (young and old) are used for bait, fighting, or other deviant, disgusting pleasures?
Did you know that in some states, Beastiality is legal? Yep, that’s right, Wyoming, West Virginia, New Mexico, and Hawaii. There is even a sex offender registration for Beastiality. So to all of you breeders, Do you really know what you are sending these babies off to? Looks are most definitely deceiving and just because someone seems to be on the up and up on paper as well as to the eye, doesn’t make it so. EVERYONE wears a mask of some sort.
Let me just say, because they in such dires, this causes some to become feral or rabid or to just lash out because they are so scared or starving. You make judgement about these animals saying they are dangerous and you fear for you safety or your child’s safety but what about theirs? They wouldn’t be where they are if more people cared enough to actually do something about it. Speaking of children, an animal isn’t much different in this aspect. Children and animals alike only know what they are taught. We even breed ourselves only to have our fetus removed or give our child up for adoption, walk out on our children. Think about it, really, it’s not much different.
What about the visual factor? Some people are simply applalled by such an animals appearance. Ewe, they are gross, filthy animals. Hmm, not much different than a homeless person except for the fact that some people choose to live that way. An animal doesn’t get that luxury. They were breed, domesticated then tossed aside like yesterdays trash. Humans and animals, otherwise known as “The Undesirables”
The only real difference between Humans and animals is we are “evolved” and know better. We can choose our fate, they cannot.
No we can’t save them all but we can damn sure do our part to help. Yes, spaying and neutering is a huge part of it but another great preventative measure would be to stop breeding more cutsie animals for money.
By breeding for profit alone, you are taking away from the health and welfare of so many breathing, living beings.
Remember, they breathe, bleed, feel pain and love just as we do. So why not treat them as such?
Oh wait, hey, we sell our children on the black market so I guess we really don’t treat animals any different than we do our own flesh and blood.
YES, I just said that. If you feel upset about that, sorry not sorry. Don’t take everything personally or literally. To clarify, by children I mean our own flesh and blood in general (God’s Children) Yes, I said GOD!
Learn to understand. We truly do fear what we do not understand. Anger stems from fear as well. So why not educate ourselves more?
This ended up being more than I intended. But you get the gist of it, I hope.
You know those parents that are blessed to have their kids around them all of the time or at least get to spend all of the Holidays with them? Get to vacation with their kids, tons of photos on Facebook showing off all the visits and such? Well, I’m not one of those parents.
For years and years I have had to sit back and watch my kids with their dad and his wife, her family with my kids enjoying all of their holiday visits and summer vacations. I always told myself it was good. my kids got to have a decent life. They were happy.
Then one day I realize, yes, they visit dad because dads married into money. Her family has money. They pay for all of the kids to make the trips, pay for everything. I do not have money, did not marry into it and cannot afford to pay for anything. Therefor, i never get to see my kids, never get to have any visits, make any memories. Instead, i am an embarrassment. Haven’t met the spouses or significant others. Heck, haven’t even seen two of my kiddos in so many years I fear I may never. All I ever wanted was for them to be happy and have a fair chance at having a decent life. To protect them from everything I had endured. If that means I am the bad guy, the embarrassment, So be it.
I see all of the posts on facebook even though they try to keep them from me.
Hey mom, miss you, wish we could visit.
why don’t you all come visit your mom for Christmas or Thanksgiving or just for the heck of it?
I wish we could, we have to work, we cant afford the trip. etc….
I have myself and my three youngest children that live nearby or semi-nearby but even two of them want nothing to do with me. Sure, it hurts like hell but I just want them to have so much more than I ever had. I can’t change where I came from but I am changing who I am.
Let me tell you, if you were born with nothing, have kids too young, don’t make something of yourself early on or marry into money and the other parent does, you are FUCKED!
I lost my kids early on to their father because after we split, he found other women to play mom. I was 17 yrs. old, had absolutely no support system what so ever. My kids never know nor will they ever know the truth of why Mom isn’t mom and dads wife is. They will never know of my struggles or pain, of how hard I tried to make things right, I followed the law and the law sided with the money. I never stopped trying but my kids never saw it, all they saw was the aftermath.
Then I had three more kids, I had no business having children, I was what some would call “unfortunate”, others might call, “trash”. Yes, I knew what birth control was and I used it, it failed me. I do not regret this one bit.
I just wish the pain wasn’t constant. From the time I was born, I endured life. Things most people go their entire lives never knowing and some know all too well, I suffered and endured all of it. you know those people that tell you stories about their life and you’re like, “that was such bullshit”? That’s me. what people don’t realize, is that those stories are not bullshit and this shit really did happen to me.
Now, as I have gotten older, i sit and look back and all I can think is “WOW, How did I make it through all of that? How am i still here?” Seriously, I want to know.
Imagine, just for a moment, close your eyes and really try to imagine having six children, back to back from the age of 17 to to 25 with only a short break between the sets of three. Just imagine all of the stress, diapers, crying, lack of money, lack of education. You came from nothing and you have nothing. The dad was never really present except for the conception of them. ( I know, what was she thinking, having so many kids? She had no business) Yes, that would be correct. I fell victim to circumstance. I was a literal statistic.
Abused from a young age and spent my life allowing it to happen as though it were normal. I really did not know any better. I understand everything so much better now. However, now, its too late. (oh yeah, it’s never too late, right?) Wrong. The damage has been done and I didn’t wake up, wise up, (whatever you want to call it) until my life was half over. Mostly, that is because I had zero self worth, zero self esteem and zero support system. No one told me that life didn’t have to be like that. I did not know. Yes, I am doing something about it now.
I still struggle with the self worth from time to time, still fall prey to vampires of all sorts but I know that is just collateral damage, lingering residue of aftermath. I fight to remind myself, to reassure myself and to pick myself up and keep going. Even to this day,
I am looked down on, judged, etc… But I don’t let it bother me near as much because I know how far I have come. Sure, it still hurts, still makes me feel like trash on some days. Those days are hard to get out of bed, but I do.
I thought I knew why I was fighting to get out of bed each day for but I have realized, It was for all the wrong reasons, not anymore. Now I do it for me. My kids are all grown and moved on. I rarely get to see any of them. I work my butt off to make money to save up so I can at least leave my children something when I am gone but i can barely make enough to pay the bills and survive. I just cannot get ahead. Still, I wake up, and tell myself, “move your ass, today will be a good day”. then I start all over again. Yes, I break down daily, think about my children daily, cry daily and realize I am completely alone, daily but something, I have no idea what it is but something makes me keep going. Some days I want to give up so badly but I am not wired to give up and let me tell you , sometimes, that really pisses me off because some days i want to just give up.
While I have come a long, long way, not just in life but myself, my emotional and mental self, I still have much work to do to become someone I can be proud of, someone I can not just love but also like. I have given up on trying to please others, trying to make others happy. That is an impossible task and not worth wasting my time or my life on. I want to be happy, I like the person I am becoming. So that is where I am now.
I will talk about God a bit, I know that might turn some of you away but… I will not try to shove religion down your throats. To each his own. This is just me and my experience.
Yes, I believe in God. To each his own, live and let live. I believe because I have seen. I have faith because I know. (long and very interesting story there) I did not always have faith or believe in anything. To be honest, I was very angry and full of hatred. It took almost two decades for me to open my eyes and see what (who) had been right there beside me all of those years.
When I did take the time to stop being angry for a moment and replay my history, that’s when it hit me. Now it took something extremely horrible happening to even make me stop and replay.
Even after snapping out of it and realizing there was someone or something watching over me, I still did not quite get it. I continued to test fate. Some would say I was fearless, audacious, others would say I had a death wish. Either way, if you think about it, they are kind of the same thing. Turns out, the latter was correct. I was not brave nor bold, not by a long shot. I just did not care, felt like I was not worth breathing the same air as everyone else. Which just so happened, many, many years later, I realized this was very selfish of me. I had people who depended on me, that needed me but I was so wrapped up in my hatred that it blinded me.
I might share that story one day but today is not that day. Moving on.
As I said before, I didn’t always believe in God or anything else for that matter. What I did know is, a lot of people I had met over the years would talk about God and having faith. How much more peaceful life was because of it. So, I decided, I wanted to have faith, I wanted to believe. How though, how could I make myself have faith and believe in a God that I never knew? I had watched enough television, movies, over the years, (way more than any human being should), I recalled a few movies where there was a motivational speaker (character) and the phrase “Fake it till you make it”, kept popping into my head. Finally, I said, “what the hell, why not”? So, I began, attempting to pray, pretending I believed in God. I don’t believe that it “did the trick” , but it did not hurt and it did lead me to allow myself further exploration into God as well as heaven and hell. Which led to morals and values. Slowly but surely, I began to believe. I began to turn my life around and make changes of myself for the better. I even found a church I loved, rather, they found me.
Now, let me tell all of you skeptics out there, what I am about to say, will be very hard for some of you to fathom but it is real and true. The more good I did, for myself, for others, the more I began seeing even the tiniest of good things happen in my life. Sometimes, when Things got pretty tough and I thought, how, how will we feed our family, how will we pay the bills? Amazingly enough, we were able to. The money, the food, the tools, whatever it was that we were in need of, came. It came at just the right moment and in such ways I couldn’t understand. That is the beauty of faith. They say that God gives you what you need. I can, without a doubt say that this is true. Sure, we still have hardships but they are so much easier to get through. All you have to do, is be the best person that you can be and live life the way God intended. Sure we are human, we will screw up, repeatedly, every single day. Just try not to repeat the same mistakes.
Okay, I will move on from the subject of God. Just a heads up though, I am sure he will arise here and there throughout my blogs. It is just inevitable.
How blindly we do follow.
Can not one see, God has given each, separated, a piece of truth.
Yet instead of working together to fit the pieces and find the answers which we all claim so desperately to seek,
You choose to split off, build temples of lies and battle one another insisting “our religion is the one true religion “.
Is that love?
No, that is the epitome of war.
In Gods name you justify hate, racism, power, slaughter and segregation. Yet you call it, love, justice, truth, freedom and religion.
Oh, how quickly people can change. Like flipping a light switch. It’s madness really.
Satires are basically comedy’s that ridicule life events however, they are actually more realistic than most reality shows if you think about it. The actors are put in in scenarios that resemble real life and make fun of basically everything and anything that happens everyday in reality.
Reality shows, you have real people in real life scenarios (well, mostly lol) but… They are in front of a camera so of course, they aren’t going to be their true selves. If everyone woke up each day, knowing they were in front of a camera, you would see a good number on their best behavior for fear of ridicule, a very small number would be their true selves but the majority would be putting on the act of their lives in hopes of being singled out for something bigger.
Be honest now, we all want to be special. We all want to believe we have a purpose in this life (many, more grander than some) but everyone does. Try being honest with yourself, you would be suprised at what you learn.
Now, people like to believe they are honest, claim it aloud and to themselves. However, I do not believe that one single human being is truly honest, not even with themselves. Not one. Sure, some of us try to be. We live by a good moral code, treat others well, do our best to be good, decent human beings. Face it, we are all human and every single one of us has flaws and weaknesses, therefor, being 100% honest, not possible. Whether it’s trying to prevent someone from being harmed or intentionally causing harm to another. Everyone lies, no matter the intentions.
The same things goes for those of us that claim we don’t care what others think, another lie. You can tell yourself that you don’t all you want, but if you take the time to truly stop and think, be honest with yourself (which is hard, impossible for some) dig deep, we care. Maybe not about some things but it’s there. When you start your day, you put on make up, a splash of cologne, spend time trying to figure out what to wear. Putting that extra love in a meal your cooking, an arrangement of flowers, even your job. The work you put into anything shows that you do care. Even those that put little or no effort into anything, including life just to prove they don’t care, your still trying to prove something. Hence, you care what others think.
it’s all very interesting and ironic when you really think about it. Problem is, most people just don’t really think about it. Just like a person that dares another to strip off their clothes and streak through the town, it’s funny and a little dangerous so it’s exciting but they are not thinking of the many different outcomes of what their actions could cause.
The person giving the dare as well as the one accepting it. The one accepting it will impact every person that sees them, in a positive or negative way, which affects those they tell the story to and so on. It also impacts the accepting person more than they realize, maybe not in that moment but at some point, it will affect their life.
The person giving the dare as well, they are affecting the person accepting as well as the bystanders. If you stop and take the time to think about the many ways their actions ripple through all of those people in that moment and in the future, you would be astonished.
It’s really no different than smiling at a passerby when at the grocery store or being rude to the checkout clerk because your having a bad day. Stepping up when you someone is doing wrong by another person, joining in the chaos of wrong doings, Cause and effect, actions and reactions. These things are never really thought much about when we are just going about our daily routines and every one of these actions all prove that we care.
Life really is a Satire and Satires are more realistic than reality shows. Take a minute to REALLY think about it it all. The human race thrives on emotion or lack there of. That’s an entirely different conversation for another day but even so, it still ties in here.
“A little evil in good and a little good in evil”.
Everyday there are people who go to the doctor whether they are ill or not. We get prescriptions which usually cost a fortune. Many people have insurance, be it government issued or private. Many people have no insurance. If you have insurance and the cost of your prescriptions are low, great. If not, then what? What if you really need antibiotics for an infection that is life threatening but you just don’t have the money? This is a pretty common thing.
I was curious so I did a little experiment. I called around to several different pharmacies in several different states and asked how much specific antibiotics cost. I googled the different ones out there and the quantity for an average treatment. I was at a loss. I could not believe how much they all cost and what was worse was that the generic for some, were even more costly than the name brand.
A lot of people automatically assume that the generic will cost less so when they go to get their medicine, they don’t even think to ask about the name brands.
I did the same experiment on pain medications, several types, different pharmacies, different states. It is just wrong! A person can get an assortment of painkillers extremely cheap but to get the necessary antibiotics to kill the infection that is causing your pain, that’s going to cost you a small fortune.
Everyday I hear things, whether it is strangers chatting or on the news, about the Opioid epidemic. All of these people addicted to painkillers , many dying from it and of course, general consensus is that they are obviously bad people. No good, honest, decent person would have such an addiction. Give me a break! They need to be dolling out drugs to cure ignorance. See, if they did that, “they” would be out of business because people would wise up and realize what is happening. So I guess that is out of the question. I could go on quite a while on that subject but… back to the issue at hand. (which will lead right back here, haha Maybe the next blog)
So anyway, I hear people going on and on about all of the druggies and low lives referring to the Opioid addicts and how they need to get their acts together or how they aren’t worth breathing the same air as the rest of us. WOW! Sure, some people just love to get high on whatever they can but not everyone. Some people only take the painkillers as they need to deal with actual, excruciating pain. The kicker is that these drugs that give us relief also, in turn, cause some of the same or new pain. Which eventually causes a person to need even more pain medicine or higher dosages. Yes, this can and usually does lead to addiction.
It is only supposed to be a temporary fix until the root of the problem has been dealt with. Say, a horrible dental infection. If you don’t have insurance and happen to be less fortunate financially, you won’t be able to get the antibiotics needed to kill the infection let alone further treatment to actually repair the damage that caused the infection in the first place. However, you could recycle a bag of cans and have enough money to get your prescription of painkillers. Literally, I recycle so I know just what it pays. A full, large black trash bag full of crushed cans, in my area, will pay out an easy $6.00 which just so happens, is the exact same price of the Narcotic pain medication at a local pharmacy not too far from the recycling center. How Ironic.
This is just one scenario, I mean after all, if you don’t happen to have the cans lying around, then what? Someone in excruciating pain is not likely to go hit the streets and collect the cans. They could of course pan handle ( another blog I will definitely get into, massive, huge pet peeve of mine) Anyway, I know there are many different ways all of this can play out but back to this specific example.
So, 6 bucks, painkillers in hand. Mild, temporary relief for a few days, then what? Still cannot get the money for the antibiotics. This is how people end up in the emergency rooms trying to score painkillers for the pain they really are having. ( yes, I know, I know, many, many people go to the E.R. crying false pain just to get drugs for quick high but as I said, I am not referring to those people. At least not this blog) They get the “medicine”, go home, get a little relief for a few days then right back at square one. It is a vicious cycle that can go on for weeks, months, even years or if the infection is bad enough, until it kills them.
Some people would say, toughen up and deal with it, get a damn job and get your antibiotics. Easier said than done. I know for a fact, I have actually endured a similar scenario myself. Not exactly but similar. (another story to my colorful life that I may share down the road) If Opioids are just a fraction of the cost of antibiotics, how can we expect people to not become addicted?
Seriously, before you make a crass judgement on what I have said, the people this happens to or even me for that matter for writing this, stop and really think about it. Don’t just say you have but not actually put the effort into putting yourself in this instance. If you have ever experienced horrible, intense massive pain, (whether you are loaded, broke or somewhere in between) if you experienced such pain, you can picture yourself feeling this pain and imagining what you would do if you had no a minimum wage job, no job, no family, no friends. ( no-one that could or would help anyway) If you were completely alone and could not afford your antibiotics but just had enough cash to get the prescription of pain medicine, what would you do? Be honest now, there is no one to lie to here but yourself and what is the point in that?
It is a truly sad and pathetic time we live in that a human being cannot trust or rely on the entirety of healthcare. Doctors today, are nothing like they once were. They used to actually stand for something. Now, it’s just a way to play God and make a lot of money doing so. Oh, I am sure there are still a few good ones left out there, somewhere. I am going to copy and paste a few lines of what I found when I google Doctor.
Its roots can be traced to the early church when the term “doctor” referred to the Apostles, church fathers and other Christian authorities who taught and interpreted the Bible.The right to grant a licentia docendi was originally reserved to the church which required the applicant to pass a test, take an Oath of allegiance and pay a fee.
Here is another and I would like you to carefully think about what you are reading here. Don’t just read it, really look at it and see what it says. The same word used in two different manors, still, one real meaning. Think about it.
verb
The problem here, lies with our system and “the man”.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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